Nerri stood looking out the window, letting the data in the reports he'd been studying filter through his mind as he took in the view from five floors up. From habit, he stood a motra or two back from the transparent opening, but the bright midday sun meant that no one was likely to be able to see inside anyway. It was nice, he thought idly, to be able to stay in better places than the squalid off-record quarters he'd spent so many cycles hiding in. True, this building was strictly utilitarian, but it was clean, and they could see the daylight....
There were more Nebari out in the galaxy these days, away from Nebari Prime. That was good, because it meant Nerri and his comrades in the Resistance were less conspicuous than they'd been in cycles past. It was bad, because he feared the Establishment was simply sending out more and more carriers to spread their contagion, and despite some initial help, cycles ago now, from a sympathetic member of the government, the Resistance still hadn't managed to find a way to neutralize the disease in non-Nebari – not and get that remedy into the general population on hundreds, thousands of worlds, anyway. The reports he'd just been reading had made that clear once again, and Nerri's mood was low.
Gloomy thoughts filled his head: Was it worth the fight? Could they ever hope to succeed? How long did they really have before the contagion activated and the galaxy dissolved in chaos, to be frelled over by the very government he'd vowed to bring down? He couldn't help thinking he and his fellows were wasting time and lives.
Behind him, he heard the door to the flat open. He knew without turning around that it was his little sister, Chiana, and he smiled. Even now, as dark as his mood was, it gave him a little lift to have her with him, helping him in the fight. She'd tracked him down a while after the Scarran-Peacekeeper war, begged him to let her stay, and he'd finally decided that if she'd survived four cycles in the company of that madman, John Crichton, she just might survive with him. And she had not only survived, she had thrived. She was virtually his right hand man now, he hardly made a move without her. He still worried about her safety, but he was glad she was here.
He finally realized that she hadn't said a word since she entered the room, which was unusual. "Hey, little sister," he began, and turned around to see what she was up to.
Chiana was hugging the wall on one side of the doorway, looking...scared. What the frell?
"What's wrong?" he asked in alarm, picturing a fleet of Nebari troop ships making planetfall, or something equally disastrous.
She didn't answer right away, just stood there, looking for all the world like she had when she was a little girl, trying to work up the nerve to tell him what trouble she'd gotten into this time. That was somehow calming, and he walked over to her and waited her out. Finally, she cocked her head sideways and blurted, "Awwwwww, frell!" She stopped there, and he waited some more, knowing that trying to drag it out of her would only make her clam up. Finally, she cocked her head the other direction and let it out: "I'm knocked up!"
"You're what?" He knew his mouth was hanging open, and he forced himself to close it. And then he opened it again and bellowed, "How could you be so stupid?"
It was the wrong thing to say, of course, but he never managed to remember that with Chi until the words were already out of his mouth. Chiana drew herself up in defiance and said, "I don't know! It happened, okay?" Her chin jutted forward, and she glared at him. "What's the big deal?"
Nerri closed his eyes for a few microts and tried to rein in his anger. What was the big deal? There was certainly no room in their circumstances for a kid, but the problem was easily remedied. He held his hands out soothingly. "Okay, okay, little sister. There are good medics here; it should be easy to arrange a termination."
Chiana shook her head. "No."
"No?"
"No. I'm gonna have it."
He gaped at her. Of all the juvenile stunts.... What the frell was she thinking – she's going to have some kind of happy family here in the middle of a war? Nerri felt his eyes narrowing, and he didn't bother to soften his expression. "It's no use asking me where Pela has gone," he said. It had to be him. Chi had spent a lot of time with the operative who'd moved on to a new assignment only a few weeks before – and when Chiana spent time with a male, that usually meant sex.
But she shook her head. "Who's asking about Pela? Do you hear me asking? He'd make a terrible father even if he was here. I'm just, just gonna have it, that's all."
That scared look was back on her face, even though she was still standing there with tension in every line of her body. Waiting for his verdict? He had a sneaking suspicion that she was going to do what she wanted to, whatever he said. Wait! This is good, she'll have a kid to take care of – she can't stay here! It will get her out of this mess! He took a deep breath and said, "Well, if I lose my best aide, at least you'll be safe. You know I never wanted you in this in the first place."
"No."
There was that word again! It had gotten her in trouble back home on Nebari Prime from the microt she learned to say it, and he was getting frelling tired of hearing it just now. "What do you mean, 'No'?" he asked through gritted teeth.
On steady ground again, apparently, Chiana said, "I mean, no, I'm not keeping the kid. I'm not leaving you, you need me. You know you do, don't lie to me!"
She was right, of course, which made him even angrier, especially because he'd allowed himself to hope, just for a few microts, that this was a chance to get her away somewhere safe. He hadn't realized how much he still worried about placing her in danger all the time. "Frell, Chiana, how are you going to work when you've got a child stretching your belly out to here, huh?" He held his hand well out in front of her and glared.
She sniffed. "It'll be a good distraction. People always underestimate pregnant people. You'll see, I'll be able to do all sorts of things, right up till it's time for the kid to be born. Then I'll go have it and leave it with someone, and come back. I'll only be gone a few solar days."
Nerri cocked his head. "If you're not going to keep it, why not just get rid of it?" He thought it was a reasonable question, but she only dug her heels in further.
"I don't know. I don't, Nerri. I can't walk away from what we're doing, and I'd be a lousy mother anyway. But...I just want the narl to have a chance, you know?"
He turned away and stared out the window for a long time. Maybe he did know. They were fighting for a better future for the galaxy, their fight was about life – so maybe this kid did deserve the chance to live. But as Chiana's big brother, he still would have been a lot happier if she'd decided to take the opportunity to get away from danger. He wasn't going to be able to talk her out of this, that much was clear, but he didn't have to like it. He set his jaw. "Fine. I won't help you with this insanity, though. It will be your responsibility to find somewhere to leave the child when it comes." He paused for a moment and added, "The microt you endanger our work, I'll send you away, do you understand?"
He thought she'd be tinked, but she smiled ruefully and reached out and touched his cheek. "You won't have to worry. I won't mess anything up. Well, except maybe the kid, which is why I'm not keeping it."
Nerri could never stay angry at her for long. He shook his head and pulled Chi into a hug.
She leaned her head against his chest and murmured, "Don't worry about me, Nerri. I've been through a lotta dren in the last 10 cycles. How bad can it be to have a kid?"
* * * * * * * *
Chiana told herself she'd been in much worse places than this plokky, well-worn old building on a run down planet. At least it was clean.... She closed her eyes and ignored the old woman while she ran her tests again.
Cosanti grunted in satisfaction. "It won't be long now," she said in the gravelly voice Chiana hated for no reason at all. "Another arn, two at the most, and you'll be rid of your burden."
Huh. She'd be glad to be rid of it, all right. She'd thought more than once during the last half cycle that she should have done what Nerri had said and gotten rid of it at the beginning. But she'd stuck to her vow, because she knew it was the right thing to do, just like she knew that she couldn't leave Nerri on his own. She should probably be really glad knowing that this was almost over, but she was tired and miserable and just plain tinked. "How can you tell that?" she snapped, chin jutting up in defiance. "I thought there was supposed to be pain! I don't feel any pain!"
The old woman sighed. "Haven't you listened to a thing I've told you these past two days? There will be pain, of course, but only in the very last stage, in a Nebari such as yourself."
Frell, no, she hadn't been listening to Cosanti much at all, or talking to her, either, if she could help it. For one thing, the old tralk reminded her of that fahrbot old witch, Noranti, and it wasn't just that their names sounded kinda the same. They didn't look anything alike. This one didn't have three eyes, and she did have tentacles on her head almost like a Luxan's tenkas, and her wrinkled skin was sort of...purple. And she definitely didn't smell as bad! But something in the way she carried herself, something in the way she talked, put Chiana in mind of the old Traskan – a little wise, more than a little batty, and somehow not quite to be trusted.
Not that that was going to stop Chiana from leaving the narl here. Nope, the old bat came highly recommended for birthing and fostering. And anyway, it really didn't matter where she left the kid, as long as she left it where there was someone to look after it, and got back to Nerri and their work.
Realizing that Cosanti was waiting patiently for an answer, Chiana snorted. "I'm fine. Leave me alone. I'll let you know when there's pain!"
The old woman shook her head and left the room.
Restless, anxious, Chiana prowled the chamber she'd been staying in since she'd arrived, not that there was anything to look at. Four walls, painted a dull green, a bed, a mirror. She stopped for a moment and examined her reflection. Look at that belly! You could fit six or seven pulse pistols under her stretched-out shirt, if it wasn't full of the narl....
She'd have to remember for the future, though – she could carry a lotta stuff strapped to her stomach, if she pretended to be pregnant. She'd just been blowing smoke when she told Nerri monens ago that people underestimated pregnant people – but it had turned out to be true! Yep, definitely have to remember how to move right, keep in mind the way her joints creaked and her back ached, all the frelling time!
"Frell," she muttered under her breath, remembering that this wasn't make-believe. She sure hadn't done it on purpose, but she had a new life inside her that was just about ready to come out.
That scared her drenless.
Not the birth – that wasn't so scary. Even knowing there was going to be pain was no big deal. She knew how to block that out.... But then there would be this kid, and she wasn't cut out to be a mother anyway, but, frell, what kind of a mother spits her kid out and then leaves it with a fahrbot old female who's going to give it to someone else?
Chiana shivered, struggling with unfamiliar pangs of guilt.
She told herself that it was just because she was so tired, if she were rested, she'd remember it was the best thing for the narl.
It was just the frelling waiting, that was all!
She finally decided that the time might pass quicker if she could sleep. Unconscious was good sometimes.... She set herself down on the edge of the bed, then rolled over and curled up on her side, feeling more alone than she had in cycles.
* * * * * * * *
Chiana was pretty sure she was dreaming, but it still felt frelling strange, and more than a little creepy. She could feel her skin crawl. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't seem to wake up. She walked along a dimly lit street for a while, and then turned into an eating establishment, the kind with rows of food spread out for you to choose from. Cosanti, the purple witch, was running the place. She beamed at Chiana and waved her over to the food line. To Chiana's horror, the buffet held row on row of squirming infants of many species – Luxan, Sebacean, Nebari, Delvian, Kalish.... There was even an immature sample of the Pilot species.... Cosanti pushed her towards the table, and then stopped and clapped her hands in delight! "Oh, what a cute little dumpling he is," she said, cooing at a tiny white Nebari baby. "Couldn't you just eat him up?" The expression on her face horrified Chiana. The baby gurgled happily, oblivious to his fate, as the old woman reached for him with teeth bared. Chiana tried to scream. Her voice failed her, but, determined, she tried to snatch the child and run. Before she moved even a dench, thick vines sprouted from the floor and wrapped around her waist, squeezing her tight, tighter, tighter....
Chiana awoke, screaming, with intense pain radiating across her entire middle, blotting everything else from her mind. Frell! Frell, frell, frell! The pain lasted maybe 100 microts more and then eased up. She panted, getting control of herself again. Well, now this was definitely pain, just like the old lady said. That meant it was finally time to get this thing out of her!
She carefully climbed off of the bed and started for the exam room. Before she'd even gotten out of the room, there was a gush of fluid from between her legs. Aw, frell! She tried to think. Okay, that was good. Messy, but good. She remembered that much from the old tralk's lectures that she'd done her best to ignore.
The pain hit again, waves of it rolling across her lower back and then around to the front. Frell. Stubbornly, despite the pain she hobbled towards the examination room, with the clear fluid continuing to leak in dribbles down her legs. "Hey, old woman! Cosanti!" she yelled, as she hugged the wall for support but continued her progress.
The old woman arrived out of nowhere and sized up the situation immediately. She made soothing noises, the kind you'd make to a narl, and draped Chiana's arm around her shoulder for support. "Didn't I tell you? It won't be long now, young one," the old woman said, her voice far more cheerful than Chiana felt. "I know it hurts. Nebari have traded a long, uncomfortable labor for one that is quite short, but more intensely painful. Not long, not long now," she said, helping her charge along to the birthing room. "Let's get you out of these clothes so the little one can come out."
Standing there in a loose gown that wasn't her own, waiting warily for the next wave of pain, Chiana admitted to herself, grudgingly, that she probably should have listened more to the old woman when she'd tried to explain the birth process. Maybe she wouldn't be feeling quite so lost and helpless. Everything seemed completely out of her control, and even the fact that the kid was good and ready to come out didn't make her any less scared.
The next contraction hit, and she doubled up, trying instinctively to make the pain stop. When it eased she panted, "Now...I know...why Aeryn wanted...to shoot things!"
"Eeran?"
She didn't bother to correct Cosanti's pronunciation, but she went ahead and answered the question. "A friend. Haven't seen her in a while, but I was there a few cycles ago when she birthed her son." She didn't think about that day often – She tried not to, really. Yeah, it had been a really drad day for Crichton and Aeryn – their marriage, the birth of their narl – but she'd lost Ka D'Argo that day, too. For Chiana, the loss overwhelmed any good that had happened and she'd buried it way down in her mind. She was a little surprised she'd thought of it now, even considering the circumstances. But Aeryn had been frelling right about wanting to shoot someone! She finally roused herself to add, "When she was having these, you know, contractions, she said shooting, shooting made her feel better." Of course, Aeryn had actually had fekkiks to shoot at....
Cosanti smiled as if she heard that all the time. "Was your friend a Nebari?"
Chiana shook her head, trying not to tense up in anticipation of the next pain. "Uh-uh. Sebacean."
"You should have told me," the old woman scolded. "Sebacean is close enough to Nebari. You have a much better idea about this process than you've admitted! Here, get up on this table before your next contraction. You do remember that this is the birthing table?"
Chiana scowled. "Aeryn's was the only birth I ever saw, except for a baby Leviathan. And it was pretty wild. No birthing table." She surprised herself by grinning, remembering Crichton scurrying around and trying to get Aeryn to let him help with the birth while the whole Scarran army was trying to kill them all. Gah! It hit her that D'Argo wasn't the only reason she'd been avoiding thinking about that day, when it could have been useful to remember. It was because Aeryn had had Crichton. The human was there with her every microt and totally took care of her...even in the middle of a frelling battle. They had birthed their kid together. And she didn't want to compare her situation with theirs.
Well, this is the way you wanted it, she told herself sternly. You and Pela aren't Crichton and Aeryn, never will be. And you'd both make frelling bad sires. And Nerri needs you. So frelling focus and get it over with! Chagrinned, she allowed Cosanti to help her onto the table and get her settled into the proper position for the birth.
Another contraction hit hard. Cosanti put her hand on Chiana's belly, feeling the tight muscles. With a grunt, she checked again that the baby was in the right position. "Good, very good," she murmured. "The child will come soon."
"It better!" Chiana snapped, as the contraction eased off. She was totally surprised to hear more words come out of her mouth: "So, how do you decide who to give a kid to?" She told herself she was just making conversation. It was way too frelling late to be asking questions like that!
The old woman looked at her shrewdly. "There's always someone who wants a healthy infant, no matter the race."
Chiana gasped, and hoped the old woman would assume it was the beginning of another contraction. Frell! She must have known Cosanti essentially sold infants to the highest bidder, even if she hadn't let herself think about it. The old woman obviously didn't look into anyone's qualifications for raising a narl. Probably didn't even ask what they wanted 'em for. The kids could even end up in slavery, like Jothee had. Her stomach started to curdle from that thought, and she stomped on the feeling as hard as she could. Well, tough, it's better than not being born! It wasn't like she'd had an easy life, why should her kid? She hadn't had to birth it!
Another contraction hit suddenly. It was really strong. Chiana felt as if she were being torn in half, and she found herself hanging on tight to both edges of the table, trying to distract herself. "Not long," the old woman said again. "You're nearly completely dilated."
Chiana wondered fleetingly where Pela was now, if he would even care that she was doing this.
"Push!"
She pushed. Just do this, and it'll be done.
"Push!"
She pushed again, groaning. Just do this, and everything will be back to normal.
"Push!"
One last time, she pushed, just screamed and pushed, didn't think about anything else. Push, push, frelling push....
With almost a physical popping, the narl's head came out, and Chiana could feel the rest of it slide after. She nearly burst into tears of relief.
It was over.
She could go home.
Cosanti was talking, something about a healthy boy, but Chiana didn't pay her any mind. The baby was crying, but she didn't pay him any mind either. She took deep breaths and tried to relax, to enjoy the sensation of having a flat belly for the first time in monens. Well, almost flat, anyway.
Without any warning, the old woman deposited the narl on Chiana's stomach. Startled, she looked at the kid, really, truly looked at him, her hands hovering nearby, in case he should move or slide....
This tiny being had grown inside her. He had dark black eyes like the ones she'd been born with, and his matted wet hair was black, like Nerri's. Like Pela's, too, she remembered.... He squinted at her, as if he were trying to figure out what or who she was. One tiny arm curled up towards his face and he blinked. Frell, he was beautiful! Chiana's insides tied themselves up in knots that had nothing to do with what her body had just been through. She tore her gaze from the narl and screeched at Cosanti. "What the frell did you do that for?"
The old woman shook her head, setting her tentacles swinging slightly. "Did you listen to nothing I said? It's best if the mothers see their offspring at birth. It helps later."
A wave of panic rising, Chiana glared at Cosanti. "Don't you understand? I can't, I can't keep him!" She had a place with Nerri and a job to do. An important job. She couldn't let the Establishment frell over this whole end of the galaxy! And there was no frelling way she could do that with a narl to take care of! "Don't you want him?" she said, anger sharpening her voice. "He's worth money to you, isn't he?"
The old woman's manner took on a sharper edge than Chiana had seen before. "I'm not trying to convince you to keep him girlie. You're right, a healthy infant is worth plenty to me. But I won't have anyone say I stole their kid. You take him with you, or you leave him here. But if you leave him here, the deal's done. If you come back after that, I'll take a pulse rifle to you, no mistake, I don't care how many brothers and uncles and fathers you bring with you."
The plain talk settled Chiana down some and she looked back at the baby. She reached out tentatively and touched his cheek. She knew what she had to do. It was what she'd been telling herself she'd do ever since she realized that she couldn't just get rid of the pregnancy. His skin was so soft, so delicate.... But if she walked away and left him here, like she'd planned, she'd never see him again. That was the whole point, right? Giving him away? And she would never, ever know for sure if he was being taken care of, if the people he was with cared about him...loved him....
Aw, frell. What kind of fekkik was she all of a sudden?
"I can't!" she repeated. "You have to—" She broke off when the baby scrunched up his mouth and stuck his tongue out two or three times. It was the funniest thing to see – and she gasped as she remembered sitting with Aeryn one afternoon back on Moya, when Aeryn's narl was only a few days old. He was kinda pink, not white, and his lips weren't black like this kid had. But he'd made the very same face, and Aeryn had gone all gooey and totally un-Peacekeeper-like, and said how amazing it was to love something so tiny and helpless. Aeryn's fierce devotion to her newborn child had actually penetrated the fog of grief Chiana had been living in just then.
She gasped again, but this time, it was because a completely fahrbot idea had just popped into her head.
Crichton and Aeryn.
The last time she'd seen them, they were still crazy in love with each other, and their son. She closed her eyes and pictured Crichton carrying Little D on his shoulders, the kid laughing his head off. She opened her eyes again and looked at the tiny baby she'd just birthed. They'd take him...wouldn't they?
She glanced over at Cosanti, who was bustling around, cleaning up after the whole messy process, apparently completely ignoring Chiana and her narl. If the old woman had just scooped up the baby and taken him away, that would have been the end of it, just like it was supposed to happen....
Blinking rapidly, trying not to cry, Chiana considered the idea that was making her heart pound. She wasn't completely sure that Crichton and Aeryn would take the kid. She hadn't seen them since she'd joined up with Nerri, about five cycles ago, and she wasn't 100% sure that they hadn't somehow screwed up their lives again, either. And she had no idea at all where they were now. But...it was her best shot. She closed her eyes and let out a breath she hadn't been holding on purpose. She settled her hand tentatively on the baby's back, felt his chest move as he breathed. Crichton always said they were family. If her kid was with them, she'd never have to worry. She still might never see him again, but she'd know he was in good hands....
If they took him, they'd love him.
Aw, frell.
She glared at Cosanti as if it were the old woman's fault and not her own that she had completely lost her mind, and then sniffed, and patted the baby gently. "You and me," she whispered to her son, "we have some tracking to do. I can't keep you with me, but I think I know some people that you'll like living with...."
* * * * * * * * Nerri banged open the door to the small plasticrete habitation that was his current base of operations. The information he'd gone out to get had proved to be the first good news he'd had in a quarter of a cycle – There was a hint of a possible breakthrough in efforts to mass-produce a vaccine that was effective against the contagion in several species. For once he felt like they were doing more than raging impotently against the machinations of the Establishment.
His mind was racing, thinking about where they might be able to deploy the vaccine, if the breakthrough proved to be real, and it took a moment before he recognized the diminutive figure sitting in a dark corner of the room. "Chiana!" he breathed in real pleasure – and more than a little relief to see her back safe.
She grinned and stood up, holding her arms out towards him. "Miss me?"
He crossed the room in three large bounds and enfolded her in an enormous hug. "You're late," he scolded, letting her go at last. "You should have been back at least a weeken ago."
Chiana shrugged. "Slight change in plans."
Nerri looked her over, assessing her state of mind. She looked like her old self, no more baby bulge, but...her smile was too big, too bright. Concern for his sister joining with the need to be sure he could rely on her as his lieutenant, he asked gently, "Do you want to talk about it? Did everything...go okay?" How did you ask about the birth of a baby that wasn't planned, or even wanted?
Chiana drew herself up, chin high, shoulders back. "It was a boy. He's doing great." After a pause where it looked like she wanted to say more, she said only, "He's with good people."
He could see she was a lot more upset than she wanted him to know, and he reached out to comfort her.
She drew back and held her hands in front of her to ward him off. "Don't. Just don't, Nerri. I'm fine!"
Her voice was sharp, maybe a little quavery – but absolutely determined. Okay, little sister, if that's how you want to play it.... She might not be fine now, but she would be. Nerri nodded, and dared to give her a sympathetic smile. They'd do it her way.
She accepted the smile with a grateful bob of her head, and then asked brightly, "So, what did I miss? Did that vaccine come through from Flents?"
Her question reminded him of the encouraging report he'd just received and he turned away from their family drama. "Let's sit down," he said, "and I'll tell you the latest news!"
You can read about Chiana's visit to Crichton and Aeryn in Family Ties. |
