It was times like these that reminded John forcefully that he was living in a whole 'nother world from the one he'd been born in. Back on earth, he'd just be sticking a new car seat in the back of the minivan for baby number three, five minutes, no big deal. But out here in the UTs, the family car was a spaceship, and there wasn't anything as simple as an infant seat, not where they lived, anyway, so he and Aeryn were practically rebuilding an adult-sized seat to hold their newest – Chiana's infant son Pippin, the little alien baby who'd been in their lives for about a month now. And there was another difference. If they'd been on earth, the missus wouldn't be the one doing all the heavy lifting....
Aeryn grunted as she shoved the base back into place.
John started to go help her bolt it down, but a cranky squawk from Pippin stopped him cold. The older kids were running amok outside, or he'd'a been tempted to see if they could divert the baby, who was settled in an out-of-the-way cranny so he was safe but within reach while the grownups worked. He'd been awake for a while, cooing softly. Apparently he'd finally gotten bored with being stuck in his bed and wanted someone to entertain him.
John shared a glance with Aeryn. "I'll finish here," she said.
John nodded in agreement, and went to get the baby from his cradle. "Hey there, peanut," he said, and held the little guy up so he could see Aeryn, hoping that would distract him. "What's Mommy doin', huh?"
Aeryn stopped in her efforts and turned to him. "You shouldn't say that."
"What?"
"He's got a mother," she said, and went back to wrestling the next section of the seat into place.
John stared at her for a few microts, rocking the baby in his arms, wondering what was going on in her head all of a sudden, distancing herself from Pippin like that. "Yeah, he's got a mother – and she isn't here," he said at last. "She might never be here."
"And she might."
"And she might not! Aeryn, I thought the reason we were doing this" – he gestured with his free hand at the seat she was working on – "was because we agreed if she was going to change her mind any time soon, she would have done it by now. He's going to be with us a while, babe." He tucked Pip into the crook of one arm and cuddled him some more.
"Well, frell Chiana anyway for running off so quickly, without giving us more details or telling us when she might be coming back!"
John looked at his wife for a long time, trying to decide how to say what he wanted to say. Finally, hoping she'd understand he wasn't trying to rub her nose in the past, he ventured, "I seem to remember someone else who ran off without leaving any rendezvous plans." Sometimes you just don't have any other choice, no matter how much it hurts – or who.
She took it okay, even got his point – he could see it in her eyes. She sighed. "I know. But what happens when she comes back and he's calling me Mother?"
Realization dawned, or he thought it did. "You're afraid you'll fall in love with him, and she'll come and take him away."
She shrugged, trying to pretend she didn't care. "He's her child, not mine. It's her right."
"And you already love him."
Aeryn scowled, but nodded in assent, defiance in her eyes.
The baby squeaked then, and John took a few microts to distract him, and simultaneously give himself a little time to think. Since Chiana had left the baby and (as Aeryn had so rudely, but accurately, put it) run off, they'd been reacting, getting used to an infant's demanding schedule again, gathering all the supplies they needed and didn't have. They hadn't really had a chance to talk about the emotional stuff, how to handle raising a child who wasn't quite adopted but might be theirs for life.... Now seemed as good a time as any. "I love him too, Aeryn, you know that," he said gently. "And we took him in because we love his mother too, and he's family, and he needs a home."
She stopped all pretense of working on the seat and came over and stood next to him. She looked down at Pippin, who reached tiny fingers for her hair. She gave the baby her finger to hold onto and then looked back at John. "He'll grow up fast, as they all do, and he'll have to call us something. Are you 'Daddy'? 'Crichton'?"
"'Uncle John'?" he offered, not particularly seriously.
Her expression said he was incomprehensible. "You're not his uncle." And then she shook her head and said, "It would be a lot easier to do this if we had some idea how long he was going to be with us, or even if Chiana expects to come back and take him one day. If she were dead...." She trailed off and then pulled herself together. "But she's not! How can we think of making him in any sense ours?"
It was a good question, actually, and he wondered why he was the one who was assuming that if Chiana came back, it wouldn't be for a good long time. "You're a soldier, Aeryn, aren't you supposed to be the one who's realistic about this kind of thing? She's off with an underground resistance, and you know what that's like. Not that I don't want her to be okay, but...what are the odds?"
Her mouth twisted into just the hint of an ironic smile. "You always think you're going to come back." She shrugged. "Until one day you don't."
Well, okay, that made sense.... But.... Maybe it was the civilian in him that made him more scared for Chiana's safety – or maybe it was just that his experiences in the UTs had made him more pessimistic. He looked down at the baby, and then back at Aeryn, and tried to explain. "We don't know if Chi's going to make it back, never mind when. It's a damned dangerous business she's got herself involved in, and she's determined to stick with her brother instead of her kid."
Aeryn's eye's narrowed, and John hurried to override the angry comment he was sure she was about to make. "I'm not judging her, Aeryn. But she's not here, and we have to do what's best for Pippin, not for Chi. And he needs a family, not just a way station...."
Aeryn stared down at the baby for a long time, smoothing his thick mop of black hair. When she looked up at John again there was frustration in her eyes. "Chiana is his mother."
Man, she was not going to let go of that! It must be a mom bonding thing.... John took a breath and plunged on. "And I'm not trying to take that away from her. But we can't do right by her child if we set him apart from our own." Aeryn looked at him skeptically, and he wondered if he could explain the concept of the red-headed stepchild in 25 words or less.... "He's going to feel different enough from D and Hope, he looks different, and he'll figure that out eventually.... I think," he said slowly, "that it would be better to let him call us what the other kids call us...."
When Aeryn didn't reply, he admitted, "I'm flying by the seat of my pants here too, babe. If he were older, we could talk to him about it, see what he was comfortable with. But he's just a baby, and we've gotta make that decision for him. He's part of our family now, no matter how long he ends up staying with us. That's why Chiana brought him here."
That last sentence got to Aeryn where nothing else he'd said had.... John watched as acceptance spread across her face. Acceptance turned quickly into relief. "That is why she brought him, isn't it?" she breathed. "She trusted us to do our best for him."
John nodded and said softly, "Yeah."
Aeryn took several deep breaths to let loose of some of the tension, and then reached and took Pippin from him. "Look," she told the baby, holding him so he could see the seat they'd been working on before they got distracted by mostly unanswerable questions. "That chair is going to be yours!"
Pippin kicked enthusiastically in her arms, and she looked back at John.
He thought he still detected some distress over the idea of usurping Chiana's rightful place, and he guessed he understood. It felt a little funny to him, too. "We'll tell him all about his Mama Chi as soon as he's old enough to understand, Aeryn," he promised. "She won't be a stranger when she comes back." He only hesitated a little on the word, "when," and Aeryn rewarded his effort with a soft smile.
He loved that smile....
It seemed like the baby did too, because he reached his little hand for Aeryn's mouth. She laughed, and kissed each tiny white finger.
When she looked up again, John, feeling like they weren't quite done, said, "If Chiana doesn't come back, he's got two parents who love him, and if she does...he's got three.... That's not such a bad thing, huh?"
Aeryn searched his eyes. "It will hurt to give him up."
He reached out and touched her cheek. Hell yeah, it would. But.... "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," he said, meaning it completely. They just had no idea what was going to happen, or when, and they couldn't let it affect the way they raised this little guy. He needed a mama and daddy who were here, not just a mother who was far away, trying not to think how much she was missing him.
"If—" Aeryn began, and stopped herself. She looked away for a moment and then looked back. "Whatever happens, we'll know we've given him a good start."
"Yep, that's exactly it." To keep his emotions – or Aeryn's – from getting the better of him, John reached for the baby. He nodded in the direction of the unfinished modifications to the ship. "I think we still have some work to do here, and the troops are going to want to eat soon."
Aeryn smiled gratefully for the distraction. "There's not much more to do. I can finish this if you want to go back to the house and get a meal together."
"That should work." He leaned in and gave Aeryn a quick kiss. Knowing Pippin would pitch a fit if he got put back in his bed at this point, John just slung the carrying strap over his shoulder without putting the baby in it. He didn't need it for the walk to the house. "Say 'Bye-bye, Mama!'" he told Pippin cheerfully. "'Thank you for the nice car seat!'"
Aeryn's look was a combination of "I love you more than the entire universe," and "You're really pushing it, buster!" and he figured he'd better get while the getting was good.
As he walked back to the house John thought back over the conversation, over their fears and concerns for the unknown future. It was too late to worry about it, though. He'd told Chiana as she left that they loved her little boy already, and it was true. They'd just have to trust that Chiana loved him as much as they did. One way or the other, if – when – Chiana came back, they'd figure out something that worked for everyone.
He looked down at the baby boy in his arms. "Hey, little Pip!" he grinned. "Guess we should walk faster if we're going to have dinner ready when Mama gets home, huh?"
Pippin gurgled happily, and John blew out a deep breath and picked up his pace.
You can check in on the Crichton-Sun family, including little Pippin, about a cycle later in Aeryn and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. More stories in this UR will be forthcoming. Heck, it's fun to play in! |
